Nicole vs. Life
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
