You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
