there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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