i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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