You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
