Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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