The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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