I just cut my nipple shaving
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
