Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
