Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
