I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
