I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
