try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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