well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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