when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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