I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
