Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You were trust falling into bushes
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