NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
