I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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