So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
