...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
