I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
