I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
