They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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