Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
