I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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