Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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