Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
