Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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