At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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