It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
