This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
