At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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