I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
