I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
