I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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