ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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