she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
