I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
