Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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