i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
