I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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