How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
