I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
