it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
