May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
