I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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