This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
