he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
