Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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