Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
